5 Things that still gets to me, 2030 days after our daughters death…

I’m sure for every parent it’s different, because every child, every parent, every life is different.  But for me, some things just still gets to me more than others.  Some in a good way… and some in a not-so-good way.  Some things bring back good memories, and others trigger the tears. 

This morning I heard a song on the radio, and it made me think about Esti immediately.  Then I wondered – does the things that still get to me still get to other bereaved parents too?  I calculated the number of days since she passed, and couldn’t believe my eyes when I saw that 2030 days without her here has passed.

Some of the many things that still gets to me:

1.  Her name – the other day, while scrolling through my facebook wall, I got a friend suggestion from Facebook for a lady called “Esti Strydom”.  I almost fell from my chair – never thought that a name would make my heart stop beating for a while.
2. Her things – sometimes, unexpectedly, I open a cupboard, or the safe, or a drawer, and see something that belonged to her.
3. Her diagnosis – every time I hear about someone, especially a child, with a heart defect, it gives me chills down my spine.
4. Her looks – oh my goodness, she was pretty! And every time I see a little girl with dark hair and brown eyes, I think about our little Esti.
5. Her birthday – every year I wonder.  I wonder what she would’ve chosen as her birthday theme, what present she would’ve liked, who we would’ve invited for the party.

What an honour it was – or is? – to be her mother.  How precious those memories of her.

And I know, that actually, her name that matters most is “Child of God”, I know that her “things” are only earthly possessions, I know her diagnosis didn’t make a difference to her destination, I know her looks in heaven is unbeatable and I know her birthday isn’t the day she was born on earth, its the day she left earth – the day she was born into eternity!