I’m sure for every parent it’s different, because every child, every parent, every life is different. But for me, some things just still gets to me more than others. Some in a good way… and some in a not-so-good way. Some things bring back good memories, and others trigger the tears.
This morning I heard a song on the radio, and it made me think about Esti immediately. Then I wondered – does the things that still get to me still get to other bereaved parents too? I calculated the number of days since she passed, and couldn’t believe my eyes when I saw that 2030 days without her here has passed.
Some of the many things that still gets to me:
- Her name – the other day, while scrolling through my facebook wall, I got a friend suggestion from Facebook for a lady called “Esti Strydom”. I almost fell from my chair – never thought that a name would make my heart stop beating for a while.
- Her things – sometimes, unexpectedly, I open a cupboard, or the safe, or a drawer, and see something that belonged to her.
- Her diagnosis – every time I hear about someone, especially a child, with a heart defect, it gives me chills down my spine.
- Her looks – oh my goodness, she was pretty! And every time I see a little girl with dark hair and brown eyes, I think about our little Esti.
- Her birthday – every year I wonder. I wonder what she would’ve chosen as her birthday theme, what present she would’ve liked, who we would’ve invited for the party.
What an honour it was – or is? – to be her mother. How precious those memories of her.
And I know, that actually, her name that matters most is “Child of God”, I know that her “things” are only earthly possessions, I know her diagnosis didn’t make a difference to her destination, I know her looks in heaven is unbeatable and I know her birthday isn’t the day she was born on earth, its the day she left earth – the day she was born into eternity!